Please Note: You may have disabled JavaScript and/or CSS. Although this news content will be accessible, certain functionality is unavailable.

 

previous next

Skip to News




  • Slept like a baby


    The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Leaving
    my husband


    I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • How to make
    a million


    Q: How to make a million in the stock market
    A: Start with two!


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • A millionaire


    A stockbroker proudly told his friend, "I'm responsible for making John a millionaire." "Well what was he before?" the friend asked. "A billionaire!"

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Job application


    A stockbroker was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered no to the question. The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was "why?" Nevertheless, the stockbroker answered it "Never got caught."

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • P/E ratio


    P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Bull Market & Bear Market


    Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
    Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets none.


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • 'We're in Turmoil.'


    Some years ago, Calcutta stockbrokers were riding high on the Indian tea boom. A stockbroker told of a client who telephoned at the busiest time of the day. 'Can't speak to you for long said the broker, 'we're in turmoil.' Buy me a thousand said the client eagerly.

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • SAINTS then and today


    Year's ago people who sacrificed their sleep, family, food and happiness were called SAINTS…. Today they are called shareholders

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Last year


    The best time to buy anything is last year

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • 'Insufficient Funds'


    What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'.  I  won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • The best way of "making money"


    The best way of "making money" is to forget who you borrowed it from.

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Mistakes


    When doctors make mistakes, at least they kill their patients.
    When stock brokers make mistakes, they merely ruin them.


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Successful
    investing


    Successful investing is anticipating the anticipations of others.

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Classes of forecasters


    We have two classes of forecasters:
    Those who don't know -- and those who don't know they don't know!


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Market Correction


    Market Correction:
    The day after you buy stocks!


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • First rule
    of investing


    The first rule of investing is not to lose money. The second rule is not to forget the first rule!

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Why is advice so cheap?


    Why is advice so cheap? Because supply always exceeds demand!

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Last minute


    Q. Why couldn't the Daytraders agree where they meet to get together?
    A. They all wanted to keep their Options open until the last minute.


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Smart


    The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Long term
    investment


    A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Diversification


    Diversification:
    Things go wrong all at once, but go right gradually


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment




  • Wallstreet Market Commentary


    Wallstreet Market Commentary ...
    Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
    Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
    Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing.
    Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.
    Light switches were off.
    Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
    Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled.
    Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated.
    And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market...


    Added on : July 25th, 2011

    Comment